I have always got upset (Varutham) about things going wrong/ with people’s act or behavior. For situations where people say they were angry, I had always felt upset. I could never understand many times how people can get angry. My friends can never understand how I cannot get angry and get Varutham instead. Manasu kashtamaa irukkum... Varthaila vara romba kashtam..
I have had rare moments to know how someone would feel when they are angry. So, when somebody precipites his/her anger on me, I could never understand it. I would be like ‘enna nonsense??’.
Today, I got a good taste of anger. I was extremely irritated by somebody who means nothing to me and who has nothing worthy. That person didnot not know to respect others (feelings). May be this is the second time (third time overall)after I came here that I got this much anger.. Never had I seen such a state of irresistible irritation. I couldn't do anything to get back to normalcy. I thought I should analyse ‘my state’ itself so that I get better.
It's a llot different from being upset/ getting irritated/ just shouting. Here in the state of anger, I see how much pressure I built up within 10 minutes. My hands trembled so much, my heart was aching differently - I could feel that something was occupying my body..No drops of tears..No signs of sadness.. No signs of regret. In my case, I could not even try to show my anger by words.
Previously, the first time, in my 10th class, I was extremely irritated by my friend and I wanted her to understand that she was irritating and as I could not verbalize (though I tried hard) , I finally slapped my friend (the only person whom I hit..bayapadaatheenga!!). Oru sama arai !!! Chance illa…Paavam!! I was upset for the whole day, no food, no sleep and I was waiting to see and beg her to pardon me. But, infact, she felt so guilty of her act and it was she who came up to me begging me pardon even before I did it. I felt even more insulted and decided not to hit anybody, anytime. So, ippo yaarayum adikavum varaadhu!!!
Enakku irundha/irukkara kovathukku 'mathavangala mathikka theriyaadhavangala 'anniyan' stylela yennai kopparaila podanum.illa 'adanguviyaa..adanguviyaa'nnu kekaramaadhiru kazhutha nerikanum'nu thonradhu.. I can't make all people learn to respect others..Atleast I can put my pressure down, learn something and get going..
So is this Blog!!
Getting angry genuinely was such a helpless state. Red eyes, speechless,tight jaws etc. But the good thing about anger is it does not last more than an hour or two. But‘getting upset’lasts longer. .
Overalla, Kovam / Varutham - Devil/ Deep sea??!!!