Monday, January 02, 2006

அன்பு மனசுல; மரியாதை வெளியில..


WISHING YOU ALL A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Hope this year brings lots of peace and happiness to all of us !

Few days back, I was just thinking about the differences between how people used to live and how people are living..Just few things that struck my head...

First is 'giving respect in words' When its between friends, we define that there should be no respect - else you can't get closer. When its between a couple, we say 'he is like my friend'' - ultimately the equation leads to 'no respect'.But if we think about our ancestors, it not the case. The tamils in the olden days give respect to anybody and everybody. King would address queen with respect. Even in the last few decades (our parents ), wives would address husbands with respect - no calling by or with name(s). But now, we all say 'மரியாதை மனசுல இருந்தா போதும்'-(Mariyaathai manasula irundha pothum). We are getting kindaa westernized here in thoughts as people here do not show respect (though lot of courtesy)..

Next is - showering love / affection say 'anbu'. Now, when we part/meet a friend, many would hug or shake hand. If its between a couple, its would be hugs and kisses in public. Infact many would verbalize in public.For every phone call, the guy/ girl would say a ' love you ' and 'love you too'. Infact, it would appear artifical to us sometimes. Here, again, our ancestors have never done so. Never in any epic/ history the affection is shown out in public.Again we are getting kindaa westernized on this..

Giving respect in public through words and having affection within self (not showing in public) were social norms in our culture. But why did they have it ? or why should we not get westernized in this ? Well, my perception of our ancestors act is this : 'Affection is something which you should have in heart. Verbalizing it does not add any goodness unless you keep it up through action. Instead, it does a major harm tothe society knowlingly / unknowingly as there would many widows, people who lack good affection either as friends or from spouse or there would be people who miss them. ..

Respect is a concept that has to be given in public. You show respect to your spouse. your children would, your family would and your society would.There would be many a times when all of us do mistakes. But, one's knowledge (attained through age/ seniority) and intellect is one's own and it has to be respected for what it is. Closeness and respect are misconceived to be in the opposite planes.

Do you get the effect of listening to vijay's lecture in movies? Let me stop...

I am not here to advice/ blame anybody or say what is right or wrong. But just sharing thoughts and trying to perceive our ancestors act. hmm...Well, I came up with a kutti pudhu kavithai within 2 minutes while thinking about it ; Here it is and hope you like it!!

"அகத்தே அன்பு வைத்து,
புறத்தே பண்பு செய்து,
உலகத்தே கொள்கையெனக் கொள்வார்-பிறர்
மனத்தே கலக்கம் தாரார்! -அவரோ
தரத்தே மரத்தமிழனாய்த் வாழ்வார்!!"


Jeevan said...

Nice kavithai Priya. We should give respect to the people who are elder than us, it can be public or private. My Aunty is younger than my Mom, but she call her Mamme(Uncle's wife), because she have respect on her Mamma(Uncle).

Venish Joe said...

Good Kavithai Priya.

Ricky said...

Good One! I understood the first 4 lines of the poet, but found it hard reading the last line! :)

ranjit kalidasan said...

ப்ரியா நீங்கள் சொல்வது போல் அகத்தில் பன்பும், புறத்தில் மரியாதையும் கிராமங்களில் தான் அதிகமாய் பார்க்கலாம். எங்கள் கிராமத்தில் எல்லோரும் மற்றவர்களை ஏதாவது ஒரு முறை வைத்துதான் கூப்பிடுவார்கள். ஒரு அக்கா கூட தன் சகோதரனை "தம்பி இங்க வாப்பா" என்று தான் கூப்பிடுவாள்.
கவிதை சூப்பர்...

vayasya said...

Respect is a concept that has to be given in public.

Agree completely. There is a nice saying in telugu : ஒப்புலுன்டே குரூகாரிகே தப்புலுன்டே தாஸுனிகே. Translated it means : If there are any good points they are all my guru's; if there are any mistakes they are all mine. If we replace 'guru' with every other person we interact with, then we would automatically treat every person with respect and become humble ourselves; be it with a friend or elder or spouse or colleague or enemy. Both in public and in private.

Incidentally, talking about thinking and open expression of feelings, I believe that in Krita Yuga, even thinking ill about a person would accumulate sin whereas in Kali Yuga there is a grace: apparently only speaking ill about a person accumulates sin.

Finally, it is not just wives addressing husbands with respect. My dad has never called my mom by her name (nor anything derogatory either, cause I know some people do) and I remember him telling me in childhood that he didn't call her by name because calling a spouse by name apparently reduces the lifespan of the spouse. Now who would want to take chances with something like that ?

Kaarthik said...

You came up with that kavithai in 2 minutes ?!! [stares in bewilderment and signs-off] :-)

dinesh said...

I agree with your views on "respect". I don't believe westernization has anything to do with this. "Familiarity breeds contempt" (read disrespect)nu oru saying undu. Ella cultures layum paarkkalaam idha ! Familiar a irundhaalum respect panna theriyaradhukku oru maturity venum.

As far as showing your love in public, I don't quite agree with what you say. Public a hug panradhula endha thappum enakku therile ! "Westernization" should not be equated to "wrong way of living". Western culture la sila nalladhu irundha, adha eduthukka thayanga koodaadhu !

Prabu Karthik said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Prabu Karthik said...

very interesting.. andha pudukavidhai super.

2 minutes? maggi noodles madhiri time naalum sevai madhiri rombo nalla irukku :D

>>King would address queen with respect.

ethanai padalgalile
kadavulai 'avan/ivan' or name solli kupdarom?

i somehow thought even that was a measure of affection which also equates to love and bhakti?

or am i taking a wrong example here?

Priya said...

thanks ranjith!

vayasya,u r right. ippo ellam guru nra concept oda connotationse vera!!! We are terriffied/ kindaa not so comfortable with guru..'Gu'-' ru'- 'remover of darkness' nnu purinju koncham bayam poi respect panna nalla irukkum..
interesting to hear about your dad's act.

enake adhisayam dhaan.. adhaan 2 minutesa mention pannen..i was just lying down to sleep ..apoo strike aachu.. i thot if i still remember in morning i will put it down. next morning , ezhuthavudane notepadla adichen..

all i am talking is about respect through words and not about respecting attitude.

respect 'mansula' kudukka maturity venum..but maturity vandha piragu thaan respect (wordsla) kudukanum/ kudupom nu sonna thappu..
there are some things that are in corporated in us since childhood not gained by maturity..i think respect in words should go that way. when u mature and realise your right
attitude through words, you will feel nice.

Familiarity/closeness kkum respectkum sambhathame illannu ranjithoda examplenalaye puriyum..

well, i am not blaming westernisation anytime.. i learn courtesy from this society. i learn many good things from western world.. but i dont like their way of showering love in public/ not verbalising respect.. Infact, thats what made think how our ancestors were... And it is in western culture not our..evlo familarity irundhalum no ancestor of ours had been without showing respect to any individual..
infact if we shower in public(esp in indian crowd) to just one/two in specific, i think we are not respecting the crowd etiquettes of indian culture.May be its just me..

kadavulai ' avan ivannnu' paakadhadhu naala koopdarom.. nera pathaa koopda maatomla.. and its a poetic licence to write/ sing so.

Priya said...

thanks jeevan and venish!!
the meaning for the last line is this- they are the people who qualify to live as the pure tamilian !

prasad said...

happy new year

hey thats a pretty good explanation why our anscestors may have behaved that way.

and yes actions always speak louder than words. besides showering love in public wasn't even possible in those days, esp when woman then were very shy. but today with those things fastly disappearing and replaced with boldness and openess given more importance between both sexes, effects of westernization is inevitable.

p.s. i guessed you must have written the poem first and then the analysis followed. clever.

Priya said...

thanks prasad! HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU

u r right abt women before and now.

But,i first analysed (told my friend abt what i was thinking) Then, i was thinking about agam / puram concept (got reminded of our pallavan transport bus writings -"karam siram puram neetatheer")..appo it came on to my head ' agathey.. purathe..then the whole thing came out soon.. (otherwise i cant write ' pirar manathe kalakkam thaaraar' )

Anonymous said...

super priya...gud 1...

Priya said...

thanks anon

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